I think I need to take a break from self-discovery, self-transformation, deep thoughts and all around pontificating on the greater meaning of life. It can all be exhausting. Plus, I accidentally showed side-boob today at the grocery store, so any philosophical ponderings will just have to wait in lieu of my public embarrassment.
Ok, if you haven’t read my FB status already, here’s the long and short of my accidental (yet tasteful) side-boob: I’ve been wearing my sleeveless, long zip up swimsuit coverup over tights all day today since coming home from the Y’s water yoga class. I’m fancy free under this getup & have been industrious all day (cleaning, cooking, writing). I had to go to an appointment and run errands. I decided that I looked “beach bum chic” with my long zip-up coverup shirt and tights, big purse and big sunglasses and hair in a disheveled yet sexy bun. I was even sashaying my butt around the store when I kept getting looks. I thought, “That’s right. I’m awesome. Look at me and my sexy, trendy outfit.” As I was bagging groceries, I felt a bit of a draft at my armpit. That’s when I noticed that area had a wider opening and the young clerk standing off to the side was looking at my accidental (yet tasteful) side-boob.
“Awesome sauce,” I said to myself as I finished putting the last bag in the cart and tucked my elbows in close to my sides to keep the coverup from gapping. I was embarrassed, but by the time I got into my car I thought, “Oh well. No harm, no foul. Everyone got what they wanted. All is good and you get to go home and you don’t have to change out of your comfort clothes.”
I am pretty hard on myself most days. I find something I said, did, didn’t do, or how I look or feel to be a weapon to criticize myself and tell myself I’m not good enough yet, and can only have good things in my life once I fixed myself. Don’t get me wrong, I have been working on self-love and acceptance, and so the humorous and accepting way I handled my social faux pas today made me proud. I’ve shown growth in the area of being a mere mortal who does or says silly, stupid things on occasion. I’m starting to warm to the idea that these imperfections and personality quirks and stupid things are what make me awesome. And, so I’m indulging myself on a list of my awesomeness:
1. I do to water yoga/aerobics with old people. And I don’t pee in the pool. (And I hope they don’t either.)
2. I cry in front of my friends when I am talking about a subject that is close to my heart. My friend Sarah asked me a good yet touchy question yesterday at lunch before I even got a damn bite of salad in my mouth and I teared up and said, “Damn’t dude! Let me at least taste my food first before you make me cry.”
3. I curse. A lot. And often. (Please, ask me about the best cursing phrase my sister and I created at the bus stop when we were kids. I will say it with gusto and it will offend you and make you laugh at the same time. It’s brilliant.)
4. I am a connoisseur of American sitcoms. Ask my yoga teacher training friends how many times I quote Ron Swanson from “Parks & Rec,” Liz Lemmon from “30 Rock,” and now Titus Andrommedon from “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” or how I creatively and relevantly relate someone’s life-changing moment to an episode of “Friends”. (Ask me about this carbon monoxide fire alarm incident that was a bit like Phoebe’s confrontation with here fire alarm.)
5. My cellphone ringtone is Huey Lewis’s “Do You Believe In Love?” and I sometimes don’t answer my phone because I’m in the middle of singing along to the song.
6. I lose my keys at work at least twice a week. My friend Jules always has to unlock my classroom door with her master key. I also once had mini-Hershey bars in my pocket and put my keys in my pocket as well. I forgot about both all day long and then at the end of the day, with books and other stuff in my arms, I had to lock up my classroom. No one was around and chocolate was smeared all over my hands and my keys. I didn’t want to set my stuff down, clean off my keys and my hands in the bathroom halfway down the hall, so I licked the chocolate off my keys and my hand and locked my classroom door up before stuffing my keys back in my pocket.
7. I had a head cold and cleaned out my nose with a Neti pot. The next day at school, in front of my class, I bent over to get a book off a shelf and some of the Neti solution and my own snot poured out of my nose and onto the floor. In classy teacher fashion, I set everything down, gave an instruction for students to finish reading the passage in their textbook and went to the restroom for some paper towels and cleaned everything up like it never happened.
8. I secretly desire to be that asshole who picks up food in the grocery store and eats it while shopping.
9. I have piles of books in every room in my house. I have bookshelves with books on them, but they’re not enough to contain my inner nerd that spills out into my outer life. The books range from Calvin & Hobbes collections, best-selling fiction, collector’s editions, signed copies of books by kickass writers like David Sedaris, books on mythology by Joseph Campbell and yoga and spiritual books written by lots of wise guys.
10. I freak the f*ck out sometimes when I make a bold decision that I know came from my gut (aka my heart). I search for reassurance from friends and family members to tell me that my decision was right or I need them to give me a metaphorical swift kick in the ass to tell me to go ahead and do it. Intuitively I know I”m going to do it anyhow, but it is a bit of a comfort to get support for my decisions just so I know I’m not in this world alone. But, I know there will be times (as there have been in the past), that I’ll just have to keep my self-doubt to myself and not involve my friends as I boldly and bravely follow my heart into the unknown anyway.
I know I’m leaving out a ton of quirky, silly, stupid things, but that’s Ok. You get the point. In this light, my imperfections look like tiny little blips on a radar screen of awesomeness (and better than this pic of me after a long day of showing accidental yet tasteful side-boob). What makes you awesome?